Learn me to teach...quick!

We're only in our 2nd week of school and already I'm swamped.  I have tons of articles left to read and a group project due on Monday.  However, I feel this urgent need to drop everything and pick up Paley's book, You Can't Say You Can't Play.  Something happened this last week to make me view my job as a preschool teacher in a different light.  In consequence, my focus has shifted from one problem that was plaguing me to a different problem which is plaguing the children at this school.

Earlier this week I wrote a journal entry about the question "why teach?"  In it I talked about losing my way and becoming complacent when it came to teaching "problem children."  The main reason why I wanted to become a teacher was to help change the world by nurturing the growth of young minds into becoming socially conscious, inquisitive and compassionate citizens of a global society.  In my mind, part of that commitment involves valuing the individual as much as society at large.  In other words, I was not willing to sacrifice the few in order to benefit the whole.  I've spent way too much time and energy wishing that those one or two "problem children" would leave the school so that the classrooms could continue to prosper peacefully. By asking myself "why teach?" I reminded myself of my ultimate goal and am working to correct my behavior.  Since I've decided to stop thinking of the "problem children" as a problems and instead as valuable individuals who may have different needs, I've relieved some of that stress and started noticing a different issue. 

This last week was spring break for my school so the regular Montessori classes were on hiatus, the normal teachers were on break.  The assistants and after school teachers (that included me) were left in charge of the daycare kids.  Since we were only providing daycare this week, I thought it would be easy because the kids would spend most of the time in free play.  However, there comes some dangers with free play, the dangers of exclusion and bullying. 

I have to say that I lost it a few times this week.  While I was taking care to be more patient and understanding with, for lack of a better word, the "problem children," I had little tolerance for hurtful words and actions.  Here is what happened:

'P' and 'L' were playing together and 'I' wanted to be included but was unwanted.  'L' pushed 'I' away a couple of times and I stepped in to stop it and talk about being gentle and kind to all children.  Then later that day I saw 'P' and 'L' laughing then 'L' kicked 'I' hard enough to make him fall.  I lost it and started screeching about the dangers of his actions.  I sent 'L' to "timeout," something I try never to do, but I needed time to cool down myself.  Then I more calmly explained to him why I had to remove him from the playground and enlisted his "help" in doing my job by walking around the playground with me and making sure that others were playing safely.  Then what do you know, we caught 'P' hitting 'A' with a rock because someone else told him to.  Losing my cool again.  After evaluating 'A' and seeing no physical damage and no more tears, I recruited 'P' into joining my safety task force as well. 

As I was holding their hands and talking with them while doing our rounds, I realized that my message was not sinking in.  They were more concerned about the length of time they would have to hold my hand and making sure to provide me with the correct answers to my questions. 

Me:  "Do you know why you are holding my hand right now instead of playing?"
L:  "Because I kicked 'I'."
P:  "I hit 'A' with a rock."
Me:  "Is it okay to do those things?"
Them:  "No."
Me:  "Why not?"
L:  "Because its not safe and it hurts them."
P:  "How long do we have to hold your hand?"
Me:  "I'm not sure, I'm afraid you might get angry and hurt someone again."
P:  "Do we have to hold your hand just for recess or all day?"
Me:  "Does that really matter more than safety?"
P:  "I'm not gonna hit anyone again."
L:  "I'm not gonna kick anyone either."

Of course I was dubious about their promises, but I had to let go of them at some point in order to take my lunch.  For the record, they didn't hurt anyone else physically that day, but that wasn't the end of it.  They may have thought they were being discreet but I overheard this conversation later that day:

P:  "I hate 'K'."
L:  "Me too."
P:  "'K' is so stupid. Don't you think he's stupid?"
L:  "Yeah."

Me losing it yet again.  I mean, come on, these are preschoolers we're talking about!  Granted, both of these boys are 5 but the kid that they are talking about is only 3.  I had to have yet another talk with them.  Other than reporting this behavior to the director of the school, I don't know what else to do.  This habit of exclusion and bullying is terrifying to me.  Its a common problem in K-12 schools, so much so that even celebrities are posting public service announcements about it.  But to realize that it starts at this young and tender age is scary.  How do I prevent this from becoming a habit for these adorable 2 and 3 year olds?  How do I break this habit in these otherwise amazing 4 and 5 year olds?  I hope that Paley will have some answers for me.  I would love to tell the kids that "you can't say you can't play," but actually enforcing it seems a herculean task.  But I know that a pitfall for the complacent is thinking that things can't change when we know damn well that it can.  I may try and I may fail, but I no longer want to be complacent.